WMD Support Group. The acronym WMD can either stand for Women in Menopausal Distress or Weapons of Mass Destruction.
Still working on a location. When I mention to meeting site coordinators that I need a meeting facility for 50-60 menopausal women, they immediately reply that they do not cater to terrorist organizations. Be assured that when a facility is found, it will be kept at a comfortable 42 degree temperature.
Founder and Facilitator: Trinette Ellis
Theme Song: "Highway to Hell" by AC/DC
Motto: We are still hot, it just comes in flashes now
Meetings will consist of the following sessions:
Meet and Greet: WMD members will introduce themselves to other members of the group every week because most members will not remember them from the week before.
Sharing Sessions: Members will be invited to complain about their premenopausal and menopause symptoms as much as they would like. Members will be able to complain about the same things they did the week before because other WMD members will not remember what you complained about the previous week. Because of the sheer number of symptoms to be complained about 149 at my last count, sharing time will be limited to 10 minutes per member.
Craft Time: WMD members will use their creative energies to help them successfully facilitate their way through menopause. The first week we will be making and decorating foam bats that we can use to hit people who irritate us. STickers, markers and embellishments will be supplied. No metal brads will be allowed as these can be applied facing an outward direction thereby causing more harm to the individual who we are hitting. (This is not a hint!)
Snack Time: At all WMD meetings, there will be copious amounts of chocolate and Red Bull to help combat cravings and fatigue. For members feeling particularly fatigued, a medical professional will be available to administer Red Bull with an IV.
Guest Speakers: We will have a weekly guest speaker who has survived menopause. Her words of encouragement and hope will be gently spoken in a candle lit room with "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" playing softly in the background. If WMD members do not like what she has to say, they may pelt the guest speaker with their massive assortment of useless vitamins and herbal supplements that haven't worked for them. Progesterone creams may be slung at guest suest speakerrs straight from the jar.
Hot Potato: Members will play a rousing game of hot potato at each meedting. Women experiencing hot flashes during the meeting will be competing to see who can bake a potato the quickest usisng their bare hands. Suggested game winning strategy: Refrain from any soy supplements 3 days before competition.
Show and Tell: This weekly activity will consist of the facilitator holding up various household items for members to guess what they are. Sorry, long descriptive suggestions like: "You use it to make clothes not look wrinkled and steam comes out of little holes on the bottom. It's metal and is shaped like one of the game pieces from Monopoly" do not count. Members must use only one word or risk disqualification.
Guess What I Am: WMD members use their new found "talent" for describing objects in great detail without actually using the name of the object to get other members to guess what object they are describing. Example: They are square and have divots in them and you pour syrup on them. The facilitator recently used this to describe to her husband what she was making for breakfast. He actually guessed I was making waffles. His skill at this game has improved dramatically in the last year!
Other Game Ideas: Guess What Mood I'm in Now? Belly Bloat Measurement Game and Target Practice.
How to Deal with Everyday Irritations: An anger management specialist will help us deal with irritating things our husbands say to us. Examples of what we will deal with are as follows:
"Isn't it kind of cold in here?"
"Why is your face so red, dear?"
"Move over, you are making me sweat?"
"Are you on your period again?"
"Gee, honey has it really only been 6 months since the last time we were intimate?"
Medical News You Can Use: Each week WMD members will discuss the latest medical developments regarding menopause. Our first week's topic:
HRT - Husband Replacement Therapy, no further explanation needed
SFS-Suddenly Forgot Syndrome, no further explanation needed
Contents in Goodie Bags
Sticky notes which members can use to place on loved ones and pets whose names they can't remember. They also can be placed on common household items so family members don't have to go through the agonizing "Guess What I Am Talking About "game so often. Two portable fans with 30 "AA" batteries to keep them fully operational at all times. (If you have to ask why there are 2 fans in the goodie bag, this group is not for you, yet!) Three pregnancy tests because you'll be wondering if those first few months without a period really is menopause. A bag of M&Ms, just to prove that they can melt in your hand ( The awesome power of hot flashes) There will be an assortment of other useful gifts, but i can remember what they are at this time.
If this has made you laugh, please share it with your premenopausal or menopausal friends.
If you have suggestions for WMD group activities or goodie bag gifts, please leave a comment in the comment section of this blog post.
Quote of the Day:
"Laughter is the best medicine. If that doesn't work, a gaily decorated foam bat should take care of what ails you!"
Trinette Ellis, Founder of WMD