by Trinette Ellis
I am feverishly working on finalizing plans for Tracy and Trinette's Revolutionary new exercise video, "Sleepilates." (pronounced:Sleep alot ease) Burn calories while you sleep, the more you sleep the more you burn. Our target market is to individuals who don't like to move around a lot while exercising.
For those inclined towards more activity, we'll have special exercise segments demonstrated in slow motion by Tracy. The "toss and turn" is easy, but can burn up to 200 calories in your very first Sleepilates session.
For a more active Sleepilates session, you can purchase for a mere $9.99 plus shipping/handling and taxes ( so it really adds up to $54.67) a highly bedazzled 2 quart water bottle. This should be consumed 30 minutes before your Sleepilates session. This will add 6- 8 opportunities for nocturnal awakenings. For another mere $9.99 plus shipping/handling and taxes (so it really adds up to $70.08) a specially designed glow in the dark obstacle course to lay out between your bed and the bathroom can be purchased. Note: This is only recommended for the highly skilled Sleepilates enthusiasts.
Bonus upper body workout gear included at no charge: This highly ergonomically correctly designed apparatus which strangely resembles a very small blanket w/ handles sewn in th sides guarantees a great upper body workout. To use most effectively: Grab hold of handles and pull against the opposing force on the other side of the blanket; your husband. Can you feel the burn!?! The harder you pull the greater the burn!!! Just think how confident you will feel waving to friends while wearing a sleeveless top!!!
Tracy will be designing and testing out various sleepwear specifically designed for the vigors of Sleepilates. If you know Tracy, somehow she will figure out a way to get her picture emblazoned on the sleepwear. At a nominal charge, not sure of the price yet, as we are still taking bids from photographers and popsicle stick manufacturers, Tracy will be offering her specially designed, "Stick Tracys" for added encouragement in your weight loss efforts. Hold one in each hand and vigoursly shake up and down and side to side, and it will look like she is cheering you on. Tracy's extensive cheerleading experience qualifies her for this unique "coaching" aspect of our Sleepilates program.
At no cost to our Sleepilates enthusiats we are including nose plugs for free. Inserting these into each nostril adds an exciting element of oxygen deprivation. Gasping and struggling for air will certainly burn calories. We only suggest using these for short intervals during your Sleepilates session. Overuse can be dangerous, we are not sure why, but we are pretty sure it isn't a good idea.
Because we are using the profits from Sleepilates to fund our daughter's college education, please repost on your FB page. We need cash fast, our first payments are due June 1st., therefore, we are hoping for a launch date of April 30th. Just in time for Tracy and Trinette's Revolutionary New Exercise Video, "Sleepilates" to get your body swimsuit worthy for summer.
EXPERTS AGREE:(OUR CHILDREN AND OUR HUSBANDS) THIS WILL BE THE NEXT NEW EXERCISE RAGE TO SWEEP OUR COUNTRY!!!! RESERVE YOUR COPY NOW!!!
Disclaimer: Not for real.